Time Well Spent

Davis Keene·February 17, 2025

Earlier this year, I moved into a 1-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan (and checked off one of my New Year's Resolutions in the process!). Despite the cold, I've been eager to explore my new neighborhood, but I've found that truly connecting with the people and tempo of this place doesn't happen all at once. The last few weeks have been incredibly busy with social plans, apartment setup, work trips, and flu recovery, which has made me feel notably disconnected from my environment. The adjustment when moving somewhere new is always slightly jarring, even when that move is only a few miles away from your former home, and this opened up some burning questions in me about where that discomfort comes from. Can emotions act like a compass, pointing us in the direction of something more fulfilling? Do they need to have meaning ascribed to them at all?

For me, this newfound loneliness indicated that I needed to find places where I could spend my time meaningfully in the city, and start rediscovering the local coffee shops and friendly neighborhood interactions I once had. Dissecting the different ways I spend my time helped me clearly see where my life was plentiful and where it lacked fulfillment. The question then remains: Generally, where and how is time well spent?

I'll refer to these categories of time-spend as occupations. These are different strata of social participation, each of which are abstract and generalizable. I've previously talked about occupation as a synonym for your career, which still holds in this definition, but let's expand the scope of this word to mean how we participate in the world.

Your career, for many people, is the main way that we make meaningful contributions to society. For some, it is where they spend their entire lives, obsessing over solving a problem or scaling an operation. For others, it is a means to an end, a way of keeping the lights on in search of a more meaningful and noble calling. Regardless, career is the first of three occupations that I'll reference in this post, as it also builds identity. Career-based occupations inform the ways in which you introduce yourself to others, they build community at the micro-scale and a working society at the macro.

Your career isn't defined by what pays your rent! For students, their studies are their career. For stay-at-home parents, it's caretaking.

Public engagement, of course, isn't limited to one's career. There's another identity-forming occupational category which is just as important: your affinity groups. These are defined by your hobbies and interests outside of work. They could be clubs, groups, organizations, talents, interests, and anything in between. Affinity groups are followed through inspiration, curiosity, and intrinsic passion. These are the pursuits of the heart. A few examples:

Competitive pastimes (sports, chess, skill toys, ways in which you compete)
Fitness Activities (intramural sports, lifting weights, rock climbing)
Literature (reading, writing, content creation)
Volunteering (food pantry, mentorship/coaching, donations of your time to other communities)
Entertainment and Pleasure (cooking, baking, knitting, collecting, watching movies and TV, etc.)

There is a kind of meditation in the practice of affirmational occupations; an immersion that quiets the noise of everyday obligations and replaces it with focus, rhythm, and presence. Unlike work, which often comes with external pressures and expectations, these activities are undertaken for their own sake. Whether it's mastering a (one-handed) backhand in tennis, solving a new programming challenge, or refining the perfect yo-yo trick, these activities demand a kind of total engagement that pulls us into the present moment. Psychologists call this state "flow," or the experience of being so fully absorbed in a task that time seems to disappear, and the distinction between effort and enjoyment dissolves.

As a kid and throughout college, I was a student first, but I filled my time outside of my "career" with many other pursuits (tennis, running, climbing, robotics, yo-yoing, programming, student organizations, etc.), not just to stay busy, but to feel driven and focused. They weren't simply pastimes; they were ways to experience mastery, self-expression, and a deep connection with a craft. The repetition of practice, the incremental progress, and the satisfaction of achieving small milestones made these activities deeply fulfilling. And while they required effort, they were rarely draining in the way that work can be, because they were driven by intrinsic motivation rather than necessity.

Crucially, keeping these separate from one's job prevents burnout. It ensures that fulfillment is drawn from a range of activities, rather than being dependent on a single domain. Activities in this category can be exhausting, but they are deeply rewarding, purposeful, and nourishing for the soul.

Between your work and your pastimes, there's another, less obvious occupation: your third spaces. These are places where you spend your time frequently and show up for your community, but it's not necessarily part of your identity. Being a regular at a coffee shop or a restaurant, going to the library often, taking the same shuttle to work every day, these are activities that will get you to see familiar faces and accumulate recognition in your community. These third spaces are subtle but powerful in shaping our social fabric. Unlike your career or affinity groups, which require active participation and effort, third spaces are more passive; they are places where you simply exist, yet still contribute to the broader pulse of a community.

What makes third spaces so valuable is their low barrier to entry. You don't need to be exceptional at anything to participate; you just have to show up. Unlike a hobby that requires practice or a career that demands skill, third spaces embrace you as you are. They function as social glue, filling the gaps between structured engagements and creating a sense of place in an otherwise transient, isolating world.

Something I really like about the three-occupations framework: career, affinity groups, and third spaces, is that it highlights how the different ways we spend our time interact with and support one another. A well-balanced life doesn't lean too heavily on just one. What makes this engagement meaningful isn't just participation, but the presence of intention, connection, and balance.

Intention separates routine from fulfillment. A job may provide financial security, but purpose comes from pursuing growth and meaningful contributions. Hobbies can be distractions or sources of deep personal challenge and mastery. Third spaces can feel like background noise or become places of familiarity and belonging. The difference lies in choosing to engage with them regularly instead of allowing familiarity to breed contempt.
Connection turns these engagements into something more than just personal investments. Work becomes more meaningful when done alongside people who challenge and inspire. Hobbies are more rewarding when shared with a community that supports and celebrates progress. Third spaces evolve from passive environments into places of recognition and casual familiarity. A strong sense of belonging is rarely found in isolation, but rather in the relationships built through shared experiences.
Balance ensures that no single occupation defines a person's identity. A career may provide structure and purpose, but it should not be the sole measure of fulfillment. Hobbies can offer creative or physical outlets, but without meaningful relationships, they may lack depth. Third spaces provide a sense of place, but without deeper personal or professional pursuits, they can feel momentary. A well-rounded life allows these three occupations to complement and support one another rather than compete for dominance.

When one of these occupations is missing, a person may feel unmoored. Work without passion can lead to burnout or stagnation. A lack of hobbies can create monotony and restlessness. A city without third spaces can feel cold and isolating. But when all three are cultivated with care, they provide a framework for fulfillment; one that is structured yet flexible, challenging yet restorative, ambitious yet grounded in community. A meaningful life is not something stumbled upon, but something intentionally built. By fostering engagement in career, affinity groups, and third spaces, it becomes possible to create a routine that sustains and enriches daily life. The most fulfilling way to spend time is not just in doing more, but in participating with purpose, forming connections, and maintaining a balance that allows each occupation to reinforce the others.